Do We Need Marriage Counselling? | Couples & Marriage Counselling BC
Seeing a BC marriage counsellor doesn’t mean you’re destined for divorce—couples therapy is a proactive way to build a more fulfilling partnership.
When a relationship is under stress, it’s easy to wonder: Do we need marriage counselling? For many, the question alone brings a wave of uncertainty or even shame. But here at Vitality Collective, we want to offer a reframing: couples counselling isn’t a sign that your relationship is doomed. It’s a sign that you’re invested in something worth nurturing. Whether you're facing long-standing patterns of conflict or just sensing a slow drift between you, therapy can be a proactive way to reconnect and move forward together.
Relationships are living systems that evolve over time, especially as partners change, grow, face external pressures, or experience life transitions. Through personalized care and a combination of evidence-based approaches including, Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy (EFT), and Relational Life Therapy (RLT), our therapists support couples with warmth, skill, and clinical insight. Our clients often ask when it’s “the right time” to start couples therapy. The truth? The earlier, the better. The sooner you get support, the more likely you are to break painful cycles, prevent long-term resentment, and rebuild a more secure and fulfilling relationship.
Here are some signs that your relationship could benefit from marriage counselling.
You’re fighting more often or avoiding fights entirely
Conflict in a relationship is natural. But when arguments become more frequent, more intense, or more circular — never quite resolving — it may be a sign that the way you’re handling conflict is creating harm. On the flip side, some couples avoid conflict altogether, fearing that one more argument will push them over the edge. Silence, emotional shutdown, or passive-aggression can be just as damaging as open hostility.
In couples therapy, we help you explore your individual and relational patterns of communication. Using techniques from the Gottman Method, we look at how criticism, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling — what Dr. John Gottman calls the “Four Horsemen” — may be showing up in your dynamic. Then, we practice new strategies for staying connected and respectful, even during difficult conversations. The goal isn’t to eliminate conflict, but to make conflict safe and productive — a doorway to better understanding.
Communication feels strained or nonexistent
Not every relationship is marked by loud arguments. For many, the deeper issue is the growing inability to talk to each other at all. Conversations may feel surface-level, task-oriented, or tinged with subtle tension. You may feel that no matter how hard you try to express yourself, you’re being misunderstood, or worse, dismissed.
Effective communication is about more than words. It involves active listening, emotional safety, and the ability to express vulnerability. Through emotionally focused work, we help couples slow down, tune in to their feelings, and shift from blame to connection. This often involves recognizing black-and-white thinking patterns, which can be particularly damaging in relationships, such as believing your partner is “always selfish” or that arguments are “never going to get better.”
You’re growing apart, and you’re not sure how it happened
One of the most common reasons couples come to us is that they’ve slowly drifted apart. Maybe you’re functioning more as roommates than romantic partners. Maybe life (work, parenting, aging parents, health concerns) has taken over, and you can’t remember the last time you felt emotionally or physically close. The connection is faint, but the memory of how it used to feel is still there.
In therapy, we work to understand what created that distance. Often, it isn’t one single event, but a slow accumulation of missed emotional bids, unspoken hurts, or changing personal values. Using Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, we guide couples in re-establishing emotional bonds, learning to recognize and respond to each other’s needs, and rediscovering shared meaning and joy.
This process isn’t about going backward to how things used to be; instead, we’ll focus on building a new, intentional connection based on who you are now. With time and effort, many couples do find each other again.
Intimacy has changed or disappeared
Sex and physical closeness are often difficult to talk about, especially when you’re not on the same page. One of you might be feeling rejected; the other might be feeling pressured. Sometimes, it’s not just about sex: factors like affection, desire, feeling emotionally safe, or recovering from trauma or health changes can come into play too.
Therapy offers a supportive, non-judgmental space to explore what’s underneath the changes in intimacy. We help couples identify emotional blocks, understand mismatched desire, and slowly rebuild trust and comfort. Often, partners find that when emotional connection increases, physical connection naturally follows. Sometimes, we recommend structured intimacy exercises to rebuild affection and connection over time.
There’s been a breach of trust
When trust is broken, whether through infidelity, secrecy, or repeated emotional let-downs, it can leave deep wounds. Rebuilding trust is a long, layered process that involves accountability, empathy, and consistency. It also means exploring not just what happened, but why, with understanding and compassion.
Couples therapy creates space for this exploration. In a structured and guided way, we help partners navigate the anger, grief, and confusion that follow a betrayal. We focus on helping you speak openly about your experiences, take responsibility where needed, and explore whether repair and reconnection are possible. For many couples, this becomes a painful but transformative chapter—one where, with help, they come out stronger and more honest than before.
Parenting, in-laws, and family stress are driving you apart
Parenting can be deeply rewarding, but also profoundly stressful. You and your partner might disagree about routines, discipline, or how to manage screen time. One of you may feel overburdened, while the other feels criticized. Add in the voices of extended family (in-laws included), and the tension can skyrocket.
In therapy, we help couples build more aligned parenting strategies while also addressing the emotional strain underneath. Are you feeling unsupported? Overwhelmed? Disconnected from your partner as a co-parent? These experiences are normal, and they’re solvable. Together, we work on establishing clarity, boundaries, teamwork, and deeper empathy.
Cultural differences or immigration stress are impacting your connection
Many couples navigating multicultural or cross-cultural relationships face challenges that are rarely talked about. You may be managing different languages, values, traditions, or family structures. If you’ve recently immigrated, you may also be grieving the loss of your home, support systems, or identity — and that grief can spill into the relationship.
At Vitality Collective, we approach cultural work with deep respect. We help couples explore how their backgrounds shape their expectations and identities, and how to honour each other’s values without compromising their own. Therapy becomes a place to find connection not in spite of your differences, but through them.
You’re struggling with finances, work demands, or external stressors
Money is one of the leading causes of relationship strain. It’s rarely just about the numbers — it also involves nuances of safety, control, fear, and identity. Whether you're dealing with debt, income inequality, job loss, or different spending styles, financial conflict often triggers deeper emotional wounds.
In therapy, we help couples unpack their beliefs about money, learn how to communicate openly without shame or blame, and create shared financial goals. We also work with couples navigating external stressors, such as shift work, economic instability, or burnout, to find ways to protect their relationship from outside pressures.
You’re considering a separation or just don’t know where you stand
Not every couple comes to therapy hoping to stay together. Some come because they’re unsure—and they want to explore that uncertainty with clarity and care. We support couples in making conscious, compassionate decisions about whether to part ways or commit to rebuilding. Sometimes, partners decide to separate, and we help them do so with intention, especially when children are involved. Sometimes, therapy reveals that there is still a path forward. Either way, your therapist will provide an open, compassionate space to explore navigating what’s right, and what’s next.
You want to build a stronger relationship—before it’s “bad”
Couples therapy isn’t just for relationships in crisis. Many couples work with us to deepen their bond, enhance communication, and grow together intentionally. They want to celebrate good news better, support one another more meaningfully, and develop the tools they’ll need for future challenges. This kind of proactive therapy can be just as transformative as you work with your therapist to learn strategies that’ll strengthen your relationship now, and later on down the road.
Marriage Counselling in Vancouver, Surrey, Chilliwack & Online Across BC
Whatever you're facing in your relationship—conflict, distance, change, or confusion—we want you to know that you're not alone. At Vitality Collective, we meet you with compassion and professionalism, combining modern science with deep humanity.
We offer therapy in Vancouver, Surrey, Chilliwack, Kelowna and virtually across British Columbia, so support is always within reach wherever you are. To learn more about our couples counselling services please click here. Or start the process today and fill out our New Client Inquiry Form. And it’s now easier than ever to connect with Vitality Collective. Simply text us at 1-855-425-4310 to ask questions, book your first session, or just reach out. No calls, no pressure—just a straightforward way to take that first step toward support.