Unwanted Thoughts? Learn How Suppressing Them Might Be Making Things Worse.
Have you ever told yourself to stop thinking about something or someone? Maybe it’s an ex-partner, the drawer full of candy, the pack of cigarettes in your purse, or the wine in the fridge. Maybe it’s the anxious feeling in the pit of your stomach you fear, or the work day that you’re dreading in the morning. Maybe it’s the very thought of yourself, your imperfections and things you wish you could change. Or, perhaps it’s that embarrassing memory of what you said at your eighth grade dance. I ask you this, how did it go? Did you find that telling yourself not to think about something, it made you think about it more? You’re not alone, this is often a trap we fall into called “The White Bear Effect.” The white bear effect is best understood by experiencing it, so here is a simple thought experiment for you. Try going an entire minute without thinking of a white bear.
Close your eyes, and take a deep breath
Ready? Let’s begin.
Let me guess, you pictured a white bear, even though you tried your hardest not to. In 1987, social psychologist Daniel Wegner identified through a series of thought suppression studies, the phenomenon referred to as the white bear effect. He made two different findings. First, it is difficult to suppress thoughts. He found that when people are asked to suppress a thought, most people will keep other thoughts in mind, to preoccupy themselves as a defense against the forbidden thought. He found that another part of our brain will “check in'' to make sure the forbidden thought is not coming up, which brings the thought to mind. The second finding was, that when you were told to think about a white bear, you would think about it less than if you were told to not think about a white bear. This means, when you allow space to think about unpleasant situations or events, you will spend less time thinking about these events compared to if you tell yourself to not think about them at all.
So now that you understand the “white bear effect,” let’s talk about ways you can manage these negative and unwanted thoughts.
Self-Compassion: it is often difficult and feels uncomfortable to meet negative thoughts with compassion. This takes practice, so I encourage you to try something. The next time a negative thought appears, a memory that causes you to feel embarrassed or shameful, pretend that this thought is a friend coming to you. What would you say to them? Would you tell them to stop thinking about it? Or would you empathize with them and speak to them with care? Shame cannot survive when we show empathy to ourself and our past self.
Acceptance: one core strategy to manage unwanted thoughts in accepting the thought without becoming attached to the thought. Like a cloud passing in the sky, or like the Netflix icon moving on in the background, like white noise, while you scroll through Instagram. We allow the thoughts to exist without it consuming our full attention. Allowing these thoughts space on our main stage, spot light on, without resistance, will lessen the amount of time we spend thinking about it. Remember growing up and being told if you don’t react to the bully or “add fuel to the fire,” they will get bored because they’re wanting a big reaction? It’s the same thing with our negative thoughts, if we accept them without believing them, those pesky thoughts will get bored too.
Reframing: cognitive reframing is essentially changing the way you look at something which then changes how you experience it. When you view your story through a negative lens, this in turn will lead you to view yourself negatively. When faced with negative thoughts, start by bringing your awareness to the negative thought and describe it as accurately as possible. Notice when this thought came to your mind, notice what you were doing and most importantly bring awareness to the body and your physical sensations. Next, check the facts and ask yourself questions such as, what proof do I have that this thought is 100% accurate? What are the chances of this thought coming true? Is this thought helpful? Through bringing awareness and asking questions, you can find a more accurate and kinder narrative.
There are many other strategies and tools you can use to better manage unwanted thoughts. I consider the three techniques listed above as being important cognitive strategies that allow space for you to slow down, meet negativity with empathy, and to work towards accepting that you are not your thoughts - you just hear them. A different tool you can use to manage these thoughts are writing them down. Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you express them and articulate them more clearly, begin to accept them, and this also can allow you to release or loosen the grip these thoughts are having on your mind.
The next time a negative thought drifts into your mind, think of the white bear effect. Remember that when you tell yourself not to think about something, it will cause you to think of it more. So instead, practice allowing space for these thoughts, try meeting them with compassion, and remember, you were doing the best you could in eighth grade.
To speak with a counsellor about unwanted or distressing thoughts, overthinking, and anxiety, just fill out the contact form on our website and our intake coordinator can assist with pairing you with the right counsellor.
Author: Megan Davies, MA, RCC, Associate Clinical Counsellor at Vitality Collective