Here’s Exactly How to Break Up With Your Therapist
Not every therapist is the right fit. Here’s how to know when it’s time to move on—and how to do it respectfully.
Deciding to end a therapy relationship—or even just take a break—can feel a bit tricky, and might even make you a little nervous. Therapy is such a personal experience, and sometimes, things just don’t click the way you hoped, or maybe you simply need time to reflect on your journey. But no matter what your reason is for wanting to break up with your therapist, the most important factor is that the decision feels right for you. Our Vitality Collective counsellors in Vancouver, Surrey, Chilliwack, and virtually across BC, understand they may not be the best fit for every client and welcome the difficult conversation when this is the case.
In this guide, you’ll learn how to recognize if a therapist is no longer the right fit for your needs, how to navigate ending the relationship, and how to find the counsellor who truly aligns with your needs.
4 Reasons It Might Be Time to Break Up with Your Therapist
Sometimes, despite the best intentions, a therapy relationship just doesn’t work out. If you're feeling uncertain, here are four key signs that it might be time to break up with your therapist and explore a better fit for your needs.
1. You Don’t Feel Heard or Understood by Your Therapist
One of the most important components of a successful therapeutic relationship is feeling truly understood by your therapist. If you find that your therapist consistently struggles to empathize with your experiences, or you leave sessions feeling like they haven’t really listened to what you’ve said, it can hinder your healing process. A good therapist should create a space where you feel validated and heard, where your thoughts and feelings are not just acknowledged but truly understood. If after multiple sessions you still feel this disconnect, it may be time to reevaluate the fit.
Related Reading: Talk to Your Counsellor: Building a Therapeutic Relationship
2. You’re Not Seeing Progress in Your Therapy
Therapy is often a long-term commitment, and while progress may not always be immediate, you should be able to feel that you are moving forward over time. If you find yourself stuck in the same issues, find you are repeating yourself or find that sessions are more small talk than anything else, then it may be a sign that your therapist is no longer the right fit for you. Your therapist should help track your progress, adjust techniques when needed, and continually help you move towards your goals. If you feel like you’ve hit a plateau, it may be time to explore other options.
3. The Therapeutic Relationship Feels Uncomfortable or Untrustworthy
A strong therapeutic relationship is based on trust, safety, and mutual respect. If at any point you begin to feel uncomfortable, unsafe, or that boundaries are being violated, it’s essential to trust your instincts. While therapy can bring up challenging emotions, it should never feel emotionally dangerous or damaging. If your therapist's behaviour, language, or approach makes you feel uncomfortable or distrustful, it’s a major red flag. Your mental and emotional well-being should always be the priority, and a trustworthy, skilled therapist will create an environment where you feel secure enough to explore your deepest thoughts and emotions.
4. You Feel Like Your Needs Aren’t Being Met
Not all therapists are equipped to handle every issue. If you feel like your therapist isn’t able to meet your specific needs—whether they be related to the type of therapy you require (such as trauma-focused, anxiety relief, or couples therapy) or specific concerns you’ve brought up—then it might be time to move on. A good therapist will be open to discussing your needs and will be able to offer appropriate tools, techniques, and frameworks that align with your healing journey. If they are not responding to or addressing your particular concerns, it may be a sign that you need someone with a different approach or specialization.
How to Break Up with Your Therapist
Ending a therapeutic relationship is never an easy decision, and knowing how to break up with your therapist respectfully can make a difference in maintaining your mental and emotional well-being. Here are some helpful steps to guide you through this process.
Be Honest and Direct
If you’ve decided to move on, honesty is key. Expressing your thoughts clearly can help your therapist understand where you’re coming from. Let them know if there’s a particular reason you're leaving, such as not feeling heard, the approach not being the right fit, or needing a different therapeutic focus. It’s okay if your reasons are personal, but being direct about your decision helps to maintain a sense of closure and professionalism.
Acknowledge the Work You’ve Done Together
Even though you’re moving on, take a moment to acknowledge any progress you’ve made in therapy. Highlight what you’ve learned or what has been helpful during your time together. This can help close the chapter on your therapeutic journey with gratitude, even if it wasn’t the perfect match.
Give Feedback if You Feel Comfortable
While this is not always necessary, constructive feedback can be helpful to both you and your therapist. If there were specific areas where you felt the therapy was lacking, sharing this can help them improve their practice. However, only offer feedback if it feels comfortable and if you think it will be beneficial for both of you.
Consider a Formal Closure Session
Some therapists may offer a final session to discuss the reasons for ending therapy and to bring closure to the relationship. This is an opportunity to process the decision and reflect on your journey together. If you feel that a final session will help, consider asking your therapist for one.
How to Find the Right Therapist for You
Once you’ve made the decision to find a new therapist, it’s important to take the time to find one that will be a better fit for your needs. Here’s how you can ensure you find a therapist who will offer the right support that you need.
Identify Your Specific Needs and Goals
Before seeking a new therapist, take time to reflect on what you need from therapy. Are you looking for someone who specializes in trauma? Are you seeking therapy for anxiety, depression, or relationship challenges? Do you need a specific therapeutic approach, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) or Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)? Identifying your goals and preferences will help you narrow down your search so you choose a therapist who can meet your needs.
Research and Ask for Recommendations
A good place to start is by researching therapists in your area (whether in-person in Vancouver, Surrey, or Chilliwack, or online). Look for therapists who specialize in the issues you want to address. You can also ask friends, family, or healthcare providers for recommendations. Word-of-mouth referrals can be invaluable in finding a therapist who has a good reputation and a track record of success.
Trust Your Gut
Finding a good therapist is about more than just their qualifications and approach—it’s about the connection you feel with them. Trust your instincts during your first few sessions. If something feels off, don’t be afraid to keep looking. The therapeutic relationship should feel safe, respectful, and supportive from the beginning.
Be Patient with the Process
Finding the right therapist can take time, and that’s okay. It’s important to be patient with yourself as you navigate this process. A therapist who is a great fit can make all the difference in your healing journey, so don’t settle for someone who doesn’t feel right.
Related Reading: Talk to Your Counsellor: Building a Therapeutic Relationship
Vitality Collective’s Best-Match Approach to Finding the Right Therapist
At Vitality Collective, we believe that finding the right therapist is key to your healing journey. That’s why we use a best-match approach to make sure you’re paired with a therapist who understands your unique needs, goals, and preferences. Whether you’re seeking therapy in Vancouver, Surrey, Chilliwack, or working with us virtually, we’re here to guide you every step of the way. Here’s how our best-match approach works.
When you first reach out, we ask you to complete a New Client Inquiry Form, which helps us understand your concerns, goals, and therapy preferences. Our Client Care Coordinator team then reviews your information and matches you with therapists who are best suited to help you reach your goals.
We take into account things like the therapist’s areas of expertise—whether it’s trauma, anxiety, or relationship counseling—and your preferred communication style. For example, if you prefer a calm, empathetic approach or a more direct, interactive style, we make sure you’re paired with someone who fits. Upon request, each of our BC therapists also offer a free 15-minute discovery call so that you may ask any questions you might have of the therapist and ensure you feel confident in moving ahead with your first session. And if at any point during your initial sessions you feel that the match isn’t right for you, we’re always open to feedback and happy to help you find a better fit. Your comfort and progress are our top priority.
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Ending a therapeutic relationship is a personal decision, and it’s important to approach the process with honesty, care, and compassion—toward yourself and your therapist. At Vitality Collective, we are committed to helping you on your mental health journey, whether you’re seeking therapy in person in Vancouver, Surrey, Chilliwack, or online. Remember, it’s okay to move on when the fit isn’t right, and finding a therapist who aligns with your needs can make a world of difference in your healing process.
Ready to begin the process of finding a therapist in Vancouver, Surrey, Chilliwack, or online that fits? Fill out our New Client Inquiry Form, and let us connect you with a therapist who’s the perfect match for you.